Hosting a Kink Party
Play Parties, or kink parties, are a great way to have fun in a familiar environment with people you know and enjoy spending time with.
If you’re considering hosting a kink or BDSM play party, there are a myriad of things to consider ranging from who to invite to what rules to set to ensure everyone has a great time.
It’s worth keeping in mind that even in safe and familiar spaces, kinky play parties can still go wrong.
Tips for Planning a Kink or BDSM Play Party:
Create a guestlist of people you know and trust
Inviting individuals into your home involves a certain level of trust. For this reason, we strongly recommend that you have a list of individuals who you personally know and respect. If one of your friends wants to bring someone you don’t know, you’ll need to make the call on whether or not to trust your friend’s judgement.
Determine rules and expectations for your party
Remember that you are ultimately responsible for the activities that take place in your home. Mitigating risk for yourself involves creating a policy of sorts for your play party. Ensure that everyone understands and respects what you have laid out. We’ve created a play party rules template using some of the common rules associated with public playspaces and added space for you to specify anything additional.
Give your neighbours a head’s up that you’re having a party
It’s common courtesy to let your neighbours know that you’re having a party. How much you disclose to them is entirely up to you, but you should provide your number to them in the event that they have a concern. The last thing you’ll want is for a friend’s car to get towed for blocking a driveway or the police to show up at your house due to a noise complaint.
Plan out designated play spaces or stations
Figuring out what kind of play will be allowed at your party and where those activities will take place can prevent unwanted confusion or disruption of a scene during your party. For example, if you’re going to have an impact play station or space, factor in the area needed for a given implement to be swung safely. It’s also worth making a note of any areas you don’t want guests to access, such as family member’s rooms, and you may wish to put signs on the doors accordingly. Lastly, remember to reserve a room or other area for aftercare, as well as having somewhere for party-goers to simply socialise.
Prepare for the worst-case scenario
As pessimistic as this sounds, you need to have a plan in place for if a scene goes wrong. If a neighbour calls the police, how will you respond when they knock on your door? If a scene goes wrong, do you have a first aid kit or other safety equipment on hand? Not all kinky activities are unsafe, but many are. Knowing how you’ll handle those situations can assist in mitigating those risks.
Regardless of how you kick off your party, ensure that everyone feels safe and welcome.
Tips for Hosting a Kink or BDSM Play Party
This may seem like an obvious point, but as a host it can be easy to get sucked into a single conversation or scene and neglect the other people who were invited. Being a ‘social butterfly’ will ensure not only that your guests feel welcome but also is a means for checking in on scenes that are in progress.
Start the party with an opening circle
Starting your party at a set time allows you a chance to run through the house rules with all your guests, and also gives them a chance to ask any questions, and to meet others they might not know. Some hosts begin parties by having an ‘opening circle’ in which party-goers take turns introducing themselves, speaking about what they are wanting to do that evening, and what they hope to take away from the experience. This can be a great way for kinksters who have scenes planned to run through their negotiations, and for everyone to have a clear understanding of what the night will entail.
Don’t be afraid to enforce your rules
Sometimes even friends can make a bad judgement call. The rules for your party are there for a reason. If a guest isn’t willing to follow your rules, you’re well within your rights to end their scene and tell them to leave.
If you want to play, ask a trusted friend to be a ‘dungeon monitor’
Even the hosts should have a good time at their own party! In public spaces, a dungeon monitor is someone who watches play and ensures that rules are followed by all players. '
In case you’re preoccupied, a designated dungeon monitor can check on other scenes that are taking place, allowing for you to put your full concentration into your own. Just make sure you let your guests know who that person is beforehand so they don’t misinterpret their presence!
