Frequently Asked Questions

Kink 101: The BDSM Basics

Definitions & Acronyms

  • Quite simply, BDSM is a catch-all acronym for the most commonly-explored kinks: Bondage, Discipline, Dominance, Submission, Sadism, and Masochism.

    It covers a lot of ground, but the beauty of BDSM is that you can pick and choose which bits you want to explore, and which bits you don’t.

  • The textbook definition of a kink is 'an unconventional sexual preference or behaviour', but some kinks are asexual.

    That means kinks are fairly subjective, because one person’s kinky is another’s normal, and kink isn’t always about sex.

  • There’s a lot of crossover between a “kink” and “fetish”, but a fetish is basically sexual arousal caused by a specific thing, like an object or a specific body part.

  • D/s is an acronym for Dominance & submission, used to describe the relationship and/or power dynamic between a Dominant partner and a submissive one.

    It’s important to know what to look out for when it comes to D/s (just like in the ‘vanilla’ world), as not all Dominants or submissives have good intentions.

  • S&M stands for Sadism & Masochism. Those who like both are called sadomasochists. S&M is the practice of inflicting or enduring pain for sexual pleasure.

    This doesn’t mean that sex itself is involved, and there’s a big difference between hurting someone and harming someone, which means S&M can take on a lot of unique forms, from physical, to mental, to emotional. Hold onto your butts - S&M can get really wild.

  • Oh boy, that’s a big thread to pull on. There are so many acronyms in kink and BDSM, we’re amazed there isn’t an acronym about how many acronyms there are.

    There’s commonly used acronyms for dynamics (like D/s, T/b, S/m); there’s acronyms for the philosophical approaches to kink (like SSC, RACK, PRICK); there’s acronyms about the types of play you might engage in (CNC, TPE) - the list quite literally goes on and on. You can look them up in our Kynklopedia.

  • We’re glad you asked! If there’s two things kinksters love, it’s a good set of acronyms, and a good glossary to look up those acronyms. That’s where the Kynklopedia comes in.

    We compiled one heck of a list of terms you might come across in kink and BDSM, and we swear it gets longer every time we look away for a minute.

Buzzword Bingo & Kinky Lingo

  • If only it was that simple! Kink and BDSM are more common than you might expect, and it's the societal expectations of 'normal' (and of ‘shameful’) that keep kink and BDSM a semi-underground movement.

    Whilst there's a lot of BDSM-themed porn out there, kink lifestyles are much more than just material on porn sites.

  • Yes and no. Safety is a core aspect of BDSM for all those involved, but many activities are inherently unsafe. This is why it’s critical to understand the risks associated with any activity that you want to enjoy.

    Some types of play have higher risks, so the safety level of BDSM itself comes down to the risk profile of the individuals involved.

  • Sadly, the truth is that the legality of kink largely depends where you live.

    Kink and BDSM are still outlawed in most countries, and the question of whether kink is “bad” or “good” remains prevalent across the world.

    Poor representation in the media paints a dire picture of kink and BDSM; but the good news is that tireless work is being done to decriminalise many kinky acts.

  • Negotiation is exactly what it sounds like - it’s a discussion that lays out what you hope to get out of a scene, what your limits are, and how your aftercare routine might be structured, as well as covering things like safewords, medical issues, and more.

    It’s not as intimidating as it sounds; negotiation can take place in person, over the phone, via text, or even in a live Google Doc.

  • Limits are acts or behaviours that a kinkster defines as unacceptable practice for them personally. This may be something they won’t do, or something they won’t have done to them.

    A soft limit means that the person is open to trying the kink or fetish. A hard limit means the activity is something the person will never agree to do.

    Consent is a fundamental aspect of kink and BDSM, and whilst consent is about agreeing to something, limits need to be respected by all those involved in play.

  • A safeword is a gesture, word, or phrase that lets the other person know you need to slow down or stop a scene.

    Some kinksters use the traffic light approach or hand gestures, whilst others use a random word like “pineapple”, or have a squeaky toy in their hand.

    However you choose to use safewords, always ensure that you and your play partners are clear on what they are, and what they mean.

  • Aftercare is whatever a person needs after a scene to help them return to a more grounded state.

    Aftercare should be negotiated prior to engaging in BDSM activities, because it looks different for every kinkster, regardless of which side of the slash they’re on.

Kinky Roles & Responsibilities

  • Also known as the Left Side of the Slash, a D-type is the one considered ‘in control’, whether that’s in a dynamic, or just in a scene.

    D-type roles are often capitalised, and include Dominant / Dom / Domme, Top, Sadist, Daddy / Mommy / Caregiver, Master / Mistress, Owner, and many more.

  • Also known as the Right Side of the Slash, an s-type is the one who gives up control, either in a scene or an entire dynamic. Often presented in lowercase, s-type roles include submissive, bottom, masochist, little, slave, pet, and whole host of others.

  • Lots. From Dom to sub, Top to bottom, all the way through to pony, spanko, prey, and more. Those in D-type roles are known as the ‘Left Side of the Slash’, and those in s-type roles are known as the ‘Right Side of the Slash’. Some roles, like switches, fall ‘Outside the Slash’.

    Finding the kink role that best fits you can be a continual journey.

  • We can’t teach someone how to be a Dom, or how to be a sub. We’re inclined to say it’s not something you learn, but something you are.

    Kinksters have very different opinions on what makes a Dominant, and just as many have ideas of what makes a submissive.

  • You can certainly learn about kinks, and explore whether or not any call to you, but learning how to be kinky isn’t really a specific class you can sign up for.

    If you aren’t sure whether you’re kinky, consider adding some kink to your sex life, and see if any of it revs your engine.

  • First of all, don’t panic! Being kinky isn’t a bad thing! Decide if you need to keep your kinks private, or if you can open up about being kinky. From there, your journey belongs to you.

  • It depends what you want to know about them. Do you want to lean more about satisfying your partner’s kinks, or are you looking to find out if your partner is open to exploring your kinks?

  • You absolutely can! There’s information all across Kynk 101 about kink identity, and we’ve tried to include as much information about being kinky as possible, but if you can’t find information on a particular topic, please let us know and we’ll try to fill in the blank.

About Kynk 101:

  • We’re a small group of kinksters that came together in 2020 and dared to dream about a single resource of free and unbiased information, accessible to anyone with an interest in kink and BDSM. We wanted to explore why people choose this lifestyle, rather than being just another how-to guide.

    There’s plenty of bad information on the internet - Kynk 101 wades through it to present factual articles and personal journals about how and why to safely explore your kinks.

  • You sure can! We welcome journal submissions and article suggestions. We’re also on Facebook, Fetlife, and Instagram if you’re feeling social!

  • Yes there is! We spent most of 2024 pulling together all our research into one great Kynk 101 Handbook, complete with guides journals and more to help you on your journey. It’ll be available with major retailers soon, but you can buy it direct from us here.

  • We did look into developing one, and it looked great! Unfortunately, the initial launch costs couldn’t be covered out of the team’s pockets, and so the app never got to see the light of day.

    If you’re interested in supporting us launching the app in future, please consider making a donation.

  • It’s very kind of you to ask. The best way to support us is to spread the word about our site.

    If you’d like to make a financial contribution to the site maintenance, you can do so via our secure Donation page.

  • Sliced bread! The wheel! Sunscreen! We love a great idea! Feel free to send us an email, or come find us on our social media to get chatty.

  • Yes we do! We have an ever expanding range of Kynk 101 merchandise and kinky gift ideas, from hoodies and t-shirts and vests (oh my!) to notebooks and aftercare blankets. We love our merch, and we hope you will, too.

  • Connect with us on social media, or reach out to us via email. We’ll do our very best to get back to you as soon as we can.

  • Apparently, you’re never more than ten feet away from someone kinky, so the chances are you already have!

    If you want to meet and chat with kinksters, look into kink groups in your local area for munches, or join some BDSM groups on social media.

    If you think it would help, you can use our Ask A Kinkster service to ask specific questions about kink.

  • We work hard on our content, and unfortunately we've had a few instances of people taking entire pages from our site and using them on their own site for their own financial gain - one of them didn't even try to change the wording, which referred to our own survey!

    As a result, we made the choice to lock down our content from just being copied, but you can still share pages externally if you'd like to. If there is something specific you'd like to keep, you can email us and ask for a PDF copy.