Possible Long-Term Effects of Orgasm Control
Have you thought about the (possible) long-term consequences of handing over control of your orgasms to your partner?
I want to preface this by saying I am in no way kink-shaming. I think orgasm control, denial, and orgasm training are incredibly hot. It was one of my favourite kinks.
But I wish I had known about the possible lasting effects of giving over that kind of power.
I believe in informed consent and practice RACK (Risk-Aware Consensual Kink). I also think educating yourself on best practices and risk mitigation is as much of a submissive’s responsibility as a Dominant’s.
I never imagined the risks involved in this type of play. I'd never seen anything written about it before; I admit that I didn't dive deeply into researching it. I wish I had.
My orgasms were his. I didn't cum without permission. I didn't cum without his presence, voice, or at the very least his photo if we weren't together physically. And it was hot. The begging and denial, the teetering right on edge, being so owned that my pleasure depended entirely on what he wanted: hot.
And then we ended. It was over, and I not only needed to contend with the emotional heartbreak and pain but also the harsh realisation that my body was no longer mine.
Many of us want to believe in "forever ." We don't often enter into these types of deeply connected dynamics, especially with high levels of power exchange, thinking that after a year or two, we'll go our separate ways. When I knelt and offered my submission to him, I 100% believed it was for always.
It wasn't.
Everything we do in BDSM has risks. Everything. Play can cause temporary injuries that you and your partner can work through together. But some play can cause pain that lasts long after the dynamic has ended.
After we parted ways, I realised that my arousal, my ability to orgasm, was still tied to him. I needed to think about him or look at videos or photos of us to get turned on. To orgasm, it was the same. It's unbelievably painful to deal with heartbreak and realise that your sexuality is now connected with your ex-partner, especially if the ending was really hard.
I've made progress. Arousal on my own is becoming easier, though images of him still flicker on the outskirts of my mind. But orgasm is another matter altogether. I'm working on it, but it's frustrating and painful work.
While I wish I had known this could happen, I don't know if that would have made a difference, because I believed in forever then. Would knowing the risks then have helped me in the place I'm in now? Maybe not. Perhaps I'd be even harder on myself for making a risky decision. It's hard to say.
You may decide that it's worth the risk for you, and I respect that of course, not everyone will even struggle with what I'm experiencing. But it's possible.
Orgasm control is a kink that I once loved and enjoyed so much.
But I'll never play that way again.
About the Author: GlassGirl is an experienced service submissive and erotica and lifestyle writer with a passion for kink education and helping others. You can find more of her writing on her website, www.glassgirl.co
