Diary of an Emerging Rope Top
“A little learning is a dangerous thing;
drink deep, or taste not the Pierian spring”
Part I – July 12, 2021
I have been fortunate enough to fall into a very good crew of ropey folks here in my little corner of New England. The Connecticut rope community is amazing in terms of its close, family-like feel and support of all of us who love rope, whether you're learning to tie, just want to be tied, or aspire to do both.
I know rope is not necessarily unique in this, but one thing I am learning is that there are layers upon layers of safety concerns you need to know about rope, whether you are tying or being tied.
Rope play is dangerous; absolutely all of it. Even that most basic of single columns you're putting on someone's wrist. Why? Because you simply don't know what it is that you don't know.
And even worse, once you have a little bit of knowledge, it is so easy to tuck it away as a done deal and to never revisit it. But what makes sense and is absolutely right in one situation may become inapplicable if you are doing something slightly differently:
Reversing tension and putting strain at the bight is ok...until you do it so often that your rope fails.
Doing a quick and dirty suspension that is less than perfect but will only be in place for a couple minutes is ok...except that something can go wrong within mere seconds.
Placing a TK (aka “box tie”) involves inevitable pressure on the radial nerve, and at least you can go into this tie aware of that fact...but the trouble is that your bottom can experience nerve damage resulting from a few very badly placed TKs, or from TKs that are placed as correctly as possible, but also too often and for too long.
And so on and so forth. I do not yet have the full scope of knowledge and vocabulary to even describe the inherent dangers of rope. I am frustrated that I still have so much to learn as a newbie rigger, and that even when I think I know something, I learn a bit more and realize that my bit of knowledge was just the tip of the iceberg.
I don't know when I'll feel like I have such a great handle on this stuff that I can tie confidently and without fear of hurting my bottom. Until then, I am going to be the most boring and basic rope Top you have ever met. This shit scares me. But I am going to keep learning, and never stop.
Part II – February 6, 2022
I’ve made some tremendous growth since last summer, when I first published Part I above on FetLife. The original title was “Rope Play is Edge Play,” but it was later suggested to me that “edge play” is a bit too vague; I agreed.
My intention in writing the original post was to state that I personally would be approaching rope as if it constitutes edge play, in all scenarios, as a way to check my own ego and never take safety for granted.
I have now mastered the Somerville bowline, or at least a version of it that works consistently for me. I have working knowledge of a couple frictions that make safer harnesses, albeit not perfectly pretty ones. I know enough to comfortably and carefully restrain someone for an impact scene. I’m working on more elaborate floor rope, both pretty and painful.
I was working with my Top one evening, who was gracious enough to be my practice bottom even though he doesn’t typically bottom. I grabbed my hemp and went right for his chest.
“Oop, where’s your shears?” he asked.
Facepalm. Come on Bright, what are you thinking? Remember that whole safety thing you wrote about rope last summer?
But this is where the rubber meets the road, isn’t it? This is exactly how problems happen: getting caught up in the excitement, forgetting even the basics– because they haven’t been ingrained in me yet, because I haven’t done this enough to make the habits second nature.
The shears – two pairs, actually – were right there on the floor next to me, in my bag. But I was still embarrassed that I couldn’t immediately answer, “Here they are!” I should have been able to point to the open pocket of the rope bag, or better yet, to the shears strapped to my own body. But instead I had to stop and dig for them for a moment.
Not good.
Practicing a box tie at our local studio with plenty of extra cutting tools lying about? Sure, nothing bad was going to happen in that environment. But that’s not the point, is it? The point is to drill it into my brain – have the shears on my person, not at the bottom of my bag somewhere out of sight and out of mind – before I do that complicated suspension someday, with just myself and my bottom and no one to come to our rescue in the event of an emergency.
Rope is dangerous, but it is also fun, and so worthwhile to learn and experience.
About the Author: Brightnbitter is a pansexual, polyamorous curvy femme switch who is perpetually confused, but making her kinks work despite the constant din of background noise in her brain.
