Pain Thresholds Are As Unique As Fingerprints
I get a lot of people that tell me they are the most hardcore masochist that I will ever meet.
Now this may be true, but I will almost always explain that needles are very different to impact play. The sensation is a very different feeling. It’s an instant feel.
Pain thresholds are unique to each person, some of us have a very low tolerance to pain whilst others have a very high tolerance level. Personally, my levels are abnormally high. For example, I had severe gallbladder pain for three months before I conceded and went to ED, only for them to tell me that I needed emergency gallbladder removal surgery.
During a scene, my responses are not a typical response to what’s happening. When I post photos online, my inbox explodes or the pictures get comments with a variety of questions ranging from:
I want to do this to you, let me.
OMG didn’t that hurt?
Why do you do this sort of mutilation to your body?
Can you tell me how I can take pain like you?
Can you train my submissive to be like you and take what I give him/her?
Some of the comments and questions usually get deliberately ignored as I find them disrespectful. But if I feel that the person is genuine, I will answer honestly, though I will never give instruction on how I did something. My reasoning is that if I do explain how I do something, the person may do it, not get the same result, and they will come back to ask why.
I mitigate my own risks, I tailor to my needs/wants, and not someone else’s.
The way I bottom/do self stuff is unique to me. When I Top, I will always explain to the bottom that I don’t want them to push past their tolerance just to impress me. You can’t expect to jump straight into something without a decent warm up or build up.
When Topping or bottoming, be mindful that you are on the same wavelength as your partner and not playing beyond each other’s skillset or past boundaries set by the other person.
In my humble opinion, you can’t train someone to take pain. That being said, some of the things that have helped me on my journey are:
When getting flogged/spanked, keep breathing and focus on each breath.
When doing any form of sharps, think of it as a blood test. So once again, breathing.
Before you get flogged/spanked, when negotiating ask if you can have a set number of strokes, and don’t negotiate past that point.
Have a spotter (someone to keep an eye on you whilst you’re playing if it’s a casual pick up play).
If you’re like me, ask to inspect the Top’s implements. You can rate them in categories such as, ‘Yes I like that, this is a maybe and this is a fuck no’.
Did I mention breathing?
Don’t tense up, as this will make it feel ten times worse.
If you don’t like something or something doesn’t feel right, use your safewords. If the Top ignores this or belittles you for doing so...run the fuck away.
Never agree on negotiating during play. You may be spacey and not able to give full consent.
These are just a few things that some of which I still do to this day.
You also need to be prepared for the fallout from playing hard– not just the physical clean up, but also the mental clean up.
I know that there are some Tops/Sadists out there that experience an intense feeling of regret and some degree of self-loathing for what they have inflicted on someone. Yes Top drop is a thing. The same with bottoms.
Look after each other before, during and after play. It’s important to check in, because without one another there would be no fun times. Remember: it’s not the kinklympics of who can be the toughest masochist.
About the Author: Bloodybloodslut is a proud queer, pansexual, Sadomasochistic, polyam & socially awkward potato who uses the pronouns They/Them.
