Brats and SAMs
In BDSM, ‘bratting’ is a negotiated act that involves teasing or taunting one’s partner in order to elicit a reaction.
For s-types, bratting can also include directly disobeying an order from their D-type. These kinksters are most commonly known as brats, with the s-types sometimes referred to as Smart-Ass Masochists (aka SAMs or sammys).
What’s the difference between a brat and a SAM?
Despite what you might have heard, brats can exist on both sides of the slash. SAMs on the other hand are exclusive to the right side of the slash (or a switch playing on the right side) - after all, you can’t have SAM without ‘masochist’.
As with practically every kink role, being a brat is not an exclusive role unless you want it to be. Dominants and Sadists can be brats just as much as kittens or submissives. For the left side of the slash, the reasons for bratting are as diverse as the number of kinksters. Some common motivators include:
The D-type enjoys an s-type who “fights back”, and bratting can rile their submissive up enough to resist
Bratting can be a form of degradation or humiliation if the s-type experiences it as such
Teasing is a way that the D-type expresses affection
Bratting can be a form of exploring power exchange and the ways in which loopholes in rules and protocols are discovered
For the right side of the slash, bratting motivators include:
A desire for ‘funishment’ or the light-hearted form of the more serious concept of punishment in BDSM dynamics
Teasing is a way that the s-type can comfortably express affection
The s-type enjoys the mental challenge of discovering ways to circumvent rules or protocols without technically breaking them
The s-type sees bratting as a means for getting the desired reaction from their D-type without expressly requesting it
Smart-ass masochists fall squarely into the s-type category for the simple reason that their primary motivator is a desire for impact play. Be it over-the-knee spanking or some other form of funishment, SAMs find joy in getting their comeuppance.
Can I be a submissive and a brat or SAM?
Absolutely. Just because you like to sass your D-type doesn’t make you any more or less of a submissive.
Brats can often be pigeonholed as not being “true” submissives if they don’t immediately obey every command given by a Dominant counterpart. As with every aspect of power dynamics, how you engage in power exchange is 100% up to you and your partner. If a Dominant doesn’t see you as a submissive because you enjoy bratting, then they simply aren’t an ideal play partner for you.
That doesn’t mean you should change yourself or how you express your kinks just to please a partner. The fact is, there are many Dominants who enjoy the banter and will welcome a bratty play partner. Find someone who complements your kinks rather than someone who won’t support them.
A Note on Bratting and Consent
Knowing whether or not your partner is serious in their statements or actions - or if they are simply being a brat or SAM - is why negotiation and safewords are so important.
Without an understanding that bratting is on the table for a scene or relationship, you run very real risks of consent violations. “No” might mean “yes” in many brat scenarios, but how will your partner know this unless they’ve been informed? A safeword is essential in these cases, and clear communication is essential.
To mitigate risks associated with bratting and consent, you should tell a potential play partner that you are a brat or engage in bratting very early on in your discussions about kink. This allows for plenty of time to discuss what bratting means to each of you, how it’s expressed, and to what degree it will be present in your play.
Bratting is not for everyone, but whether or not you choose to engage in this kink is no indicator of your level of kinkiness.
