What is Power Exchange?
Power exchange occurs when one person receives power that is given away by another.
How, when, with whom, and to what frequency a power exchange occurs is 100% up to the consenting adults engaged in that kinky activity.
Power exchange can take place in a scene or it can be a continuing, underlying facet of a relationship. A power dynamic, however, is a type of relationship that is based either in part or in full upon power exchange.
What types of power dynamics are there?
Think of building a dynamic like building your own sandwich at the best restaurant in town.
Sure, the server can make recommendations on popular options, or even the ‘best’ ones, but ultimately you determine what’s right for yourself.
Given that many kinksters take on more than one kink label or role, the types of power dynamics in kink are incredibly diverse.
Two kinky terms are often used to describe power dynamics: ‘bedroom-only’, and ‘total power exchange’ (TPE).
What is Bedroom-Only BDSM?
As the phrase implies, a bedroom-only power dynamic means that the Dominant and submissive in that relationship only take on those roles in certain locations and/or at specific times.
A bedroom-only dynamic does not necessarily have to be literally confined to a bedroom, nor does it necessarily mean that power exchange can’t occur at spontaneous moments between long-term partners who are seeking to spice things up a bit.
What is Total Power Exchange (TPE)?
In the strictest definition, Total Power Exchange (TPE) means a submissive gives blanket consent to total and complete release of power to a Dominant, typically 7 days a week, 24 hours a day. This is also called 24/7 TPE, or simply 24/7.
TPE takes place within agreed-upon limits, and involves a considerable amount of trust, as it a can have strong psychological effects on all parties involved.
For this reason, it is not something to be entered into lightly, and we strongly recommend getting to know your partner for an extended period of time before pursuing such a dynamic. As with everything in kink, consent is the core of any type of power dynamic.
Examples of Total Power Exchange include:
A submissive relinquishes control of all their finances to their Dominant partner.
A submissive relies on and trusts their Dominant partner to make the significant decisions in the relationship (such as purchasing a car or going on a vacation)
A submissive grants blanket consent to their Dominant partner to do as they please at any time (unless a safeword is used), sometimes called a ‘CNC relationship’.
A submissive must always refer to their Dominant by a previously agreed-upon honorific, such as ‘Sir’ or ‘Mistress’.
Keep in mind that a submissive can still have autonomy in the areas of their life that are important to them, be it anything from their professional life to the friendships they have to how often they see family members.
What’s the best way to start a power dynamic?
Naturally, the only way to start something like this is to ask someone else if they’d like to explore it with you. Much like in a ‘vanilla’ relationship, you’ll need to find someone whose interests and attributes compliment your own.
Get to know that person and build a solid foundation of clear communication and trust. Be it simply a scene or a long-term relationship, clear communication about what you are looking for and what you want from the experience is paramount.
Once you’ve found someone whose interests align with your own, start slowly. Due to the physical and psychological risks associated with a power exchange, starting a power dynamic with someone -even if it’s only for a single scene- should not be taken lightly. We’d suggest reading Vetting Potential Play Partners and Safely Finding Kinky Play Partners as good starting-off points.
Can I have a kinky relationship that’s not a power dynamic?
Absolutely! Just because power exchange is not present in your relationships does not make you any more or less kinky.
Plenty of individuals explore kink together but feel more comfortable in roles that are outside of power dynamics, such as relationships between primals or hedonists. Likewise, if you’re in an open or polyamorous relationship, you can be primal with one partner and submissive with another, and neither approach to kink should be seen with any sort of value judgement.
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