Kink & Disability
As of 2024, the World Health Organization reported that one in six people has a disability. We’re hoping that by sharing our research, we can help to normalise conversations about kink and disability.
If you’re new to dating someone with a disability, make sure you’re both on the same page about how they refer to their condition - they may not even use the word ‘disability’! Knowing how someone refers to their life experiences is a key step in recognising their agency and respecting their identity.
Communication is a key component of any relationship, but when disability is involved, it becomes all the more important for risk mitigation and safety - both emotional and physical. It can be difficult for a person with a disability to talk about it, so having mutual trust between partners is essential.
Be mindful of you and your partner’s body and discuss any limitations during negotiations. Entire communities of kinky individuals with disabilities exist online and in real life. Make good use of these networks for additional advice and resources. Truly caring about a partner means understanding and respecting when some activities simply aren’t possible.
Everyone has a right to pleasure and sexual fulfilment, and whilst a disability may make some activities seem out of reach at first glance, with a bit of internet research, talking with like-minded peers, and a touch of creative flair, you can find all kinds of ways to get your kinky fix!
Sensory Disabilities
Kink doesn’t generally focus on only one of the senses. From pain and pleasure to scent and sound, the possibilities are infinite.
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Explore the power of touch. Consider guiding a visually impaired partner’s hands to where you wish to be touched. Letting them know when something feels good (or bad) is key. If your partner can hear you, voicing your needs can also remove any uncertainties.
Incorporate your vision into power exchange protocols. D-types can turn restricted vision into a fun protocol or rule! Have your s-type adhere to a strict line of vision if you lack peripheral sight, or require that they adjust lighting for any room prior to you entering it. This can be fulfilling especially for an s-type who enjoys staying quite attentive to their D-type.
Do it with the lights on. Speaking of lighting, Tops who have difficulty seeing at night may benefit from ensuring the lighting is set up to enhance their vision. Negotiate ways to incorporate light into a scene; perhaps starting with the lights off, and turning them on as the scene escalates.
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Decide on hearing aid use. There’s debate in the HOH and deaf communities around what to do with aids when engaging in kink. Hearing aids aren’t typically waterproof (or cheap), and kink can be a sweaty activity. The potential downsides of removing aids, including anxiety about not being able to hear a partner clearly, mean it’s wise not to rush the decision. Hearing aid use during sex or physical exertion is a personal choice.
Consider feedback from hearing aids. Feedback from a hearing aid is a bitch (so we’re told). Be mindful of positions like 69 that involve one partner’s head or limbs in proximity to the other. Get creative, and communicate if something becomes too much to handle. If an s-type is hesitant about being on top, negotiate turning it into a command or a rule.
Utilise a clicker or vibrating device for safewords or commands. Clickers can be a great tool for all kinds of kinky training, but they’re also handy as a cue in place of a safeword. Vibrating devices can also be used for safewords.
Thoroughly discuss any means of obstructing vision. If your partner is deaf or HOH be sure to discuss their comfort level with blindfolds and hoods and be respectful of any stated hard limits.
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Be supportive and patient with partners who stutter or have a lisp. Feelings of shame and stigma can come with having speech impediments; being kind to your partner goes a long way toward helping them feel comfortable in a scene.
Get creative with safewords. Remember that safewords don’t have to be spoken. Try using a bell or squeaky toy, or even creating your own safewords through sign language. If you or your partner have a stutter, try a snap of the fingers to convey a safeword.
Incorporate writing into power dynamics. D-types can use a notepad for writing commands, or even explore using pens and markers on their partner’s body. Don’t want to write the same thing over again? Make it a fun activity to create a personalised deck of index cards of common phrases or words.
Explore silent play. Silent play is a kink where - you guessed it - an s-type isn’t allowed to make a sound. Even moans, gasps, or whimpers can be a ‘sound’ forbidden by the D-type.
Limited Mobility and/or Wheelchair Use
Having limited mobility shouldn’t be a barrier to an enjoyable experience as a Top or bottom. Some modifications and considerations for play include:
Use a backless chair or stool when Topping. Tops who have difficulty standing for long periods of time may benefit from sitting during impact play but considering that a ‘standard’ flogger is 18-inches long, you may need to purchase implements with shorter handles or shorter falls to optimise your swing.
Create pervertables! Do you have a sadistic streak? Convert your grabber or extender into a kinky device for the ultimate torment of your partner. There’s nothing like a little pinchy-grabby to make a Sadist (and their masochist) happy.
Invite a third person to apply physical force. Some non-monogamous Dominants with limited mobility may choose to ask a trusted fellow D-type to join their scenes or have their submissive pair up with another D-type for scenes in order to experience physical force. If this approach is taken, sensitive discussions between all parties involved are encouraged.
Use sex toys for edging or orgasm play. Some companies offer toys for individuals with limited mobility. These can be a great way to add sensualism to the mix, or even play with forced orgasms and edging.
Chronic Illnesses
A chronic illness is defined as a long-term condition that lasts for a year or more and requires ongoing medical attention. Chronic illnesses can limit daily activities, or might require wearing devices that restrict motion. Here are some considerations for some common chronic illnesses.
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Don’t forget to warm up. Kinksters with arthritis or other chronic pain are encouraged to warm up their body prior to engaging in any kink that will require physical exertion. Warming up can include a short walk, a warm shower, or any other light activity to get blood flow going.
Consider braces for impact. Tops might benefit from using an elbow or knee brace for impact, as well as incorporating a backless chair or stool if standing becomes too uncomfortable.
Use physical aids for support. Be mindful of how long you’re in a specific position (this is especially true for rope bottoms or s-types who enjoy kneeling). Get creative with pillows, chairs, or yoga mats. Your Sadist may want you to be uncomfortable, but never in a way that could cause you harm.
Verbal domination (and sadism) works wonders. Explore what it’s like to tell someone to put their arms behind their back, or to be told to kneel (with appropriate cushioning) rather than having someone push you down. Try verbal degradation on for size or explore humiliation.
It’s okay to take meds. If you feel like you won’t enjoy the experience without some relief, try to take pain medication 30 to 60 minutes before the scene starts.
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Use protection and avoid watersports when on chemotherapy. Traces of certain chemotherapy and immunotherapy medications can be found in your bodily fluids, and research is ongoing to better understand how these medications affect sexual (and kinky) partners. There’s no harm in an abundance of caution, so we recommend using a condom or dental dam during treatment and for the week following treatment.
Be stringent about sanitation. Particularly in the year following a stem cell transplant, the body is at high risk for infection. Ensure all kinky toys are properly sanitised and avoid toilet play.
Avoid penetrative sex when your blood counts are low. This includes vaginal and anal sex, as well as inserting fingers, vibrators, or other sex toys into your vagina or anus.
When it all feels overwhelming - that’s okay, too. If sex or BDSM just sounds like too much, sometimes a simple touch or being emotionally intimate can be the kinky fix you need. Consider exploring Caregiver dynamics, or other sensual activities such as massages, kissing, or forms of service submission.
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Utilise an inhaler or oxygen when needed. Asthma sufferers should use a quick-relief inhaler before and after sex or other physically demanding activities. Those who use oxygen (such as with COPD) should consider use before or even during the activity, using the ‘activity’ setting prescribed for any kinky physical exertion. Lastly, if you have a non-invasive ventilation (NIV) device, discuss use of it with your partner. If you or your partner use a ventilator or BiPAP, ensure that the physical positioning is safe at all times.
Be mindful of materials and locations that could cause flare-ups. Avoid spaces that tend to accumulate dust, as well as dungeons or other events that permit smoking or have heavy fragrance use. Kinksters with asthma should use caution around anything involving latex, as it can potentially be a trigger. Avoid tight rope or weight around or on the chest.
Clear the airways before a scene begins. Heavy meals and alcohol can cause bloating that might make breathing more difficult. Also, as much as morning sex might appeal to you, it’s best avoided due to the likelihood of catarrh buildup.
Plan kink for when energy levels are highest.For activities that will involve increased exertion - such as sex or impact play - communicate with your partner to plan times when energy and breathing is at peak performance.
Remember to take breaks. Consider using a physical cue or something other than saying ‘yellow’ to signal needing a break. S-types may feel a desire to push past discomfort, so encouraging pauses in play (or to prolong pleasure) as a D-type is also important. Don’t be afraid to safeword if you need your inhaler.
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Call ahead of time to let event organisers know about your devices. To prevent a potential interruption to your scene, let the host know in advance that you or your partner might need to check your vitals at some point.
Keep snacks and juice nearby. Many kinky activities are high-impact, high exertion activities. This burns calories and could result in a blood sugar drop. If you’re going to a party or dungeon, stash a few snacks in your toy bag.
Keep lubricants nearby, too. Vaginal dryness is all too common for diabetic kinksters. If you or your partner is affected, and you enjoy vaginal penetration, keep lube handy.
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Be mindful of temperature and light. Heat and flashing lights are common triggers for people with epilepsy. Discuss any likely triggers of seizures with play partners.
Use auras as a time to safeword and check in. If you or your partner have an aura (usually a taste or smell that happens prior to a seizure), use it as an opportunity to safeword immediately and find a safe place.
Have a plan in place for seizures. Prior to engaging in any sort of kink, partners should know what seizures look like, how often they happen, and what to do when they occur. This should also include a plan for play in public dungeons or other events.
Heart Conditions
Talk to a doctor before using ED meds.Drugs for erectile dysfunction can be potentially harmful for people with heart conditions, so it’s wise to ask a healthcare professional before taking them.
Avoid heavy food and alcohol.These things can affect blood flow, cause bloating, and may reduce sexual performance.
Consider the additional strain on the heart. Kinksters with pacemakers and other heart conditions may need to seek additional advice from a doctor before taking part in strenuous activities, or those that might significantly affect the heart rate, such as fear play or mindfucks.
Mental Illnesses & Neurodivergence
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Have written protocols and rules. If power dynamics are your thing, having written contracts and expectations can help to keep things on track. Written resources are also handy to refer back to for reminders around protocol or rules.
Opt for familiar spaces over public ones. Planning scenes in settings that are familiar to someone with autism can help to alleviate stress.
Explore different learning styles. If you are neurodivergent and want to learn how to tie rope (or be tied), how to be a needle Top, or any other activities that have a learning curve, consider exploring a range of activities for acquiring knowledge. Many people who are neurodivergent find they learn best through multilayered thinking, so be sure to mix up learning with videos, photos, books, and workshops if it suits you.
Take physical touch slowly and know the signs of overstimulation. Communicate about signs of overstimulation and create a plan for if it occurs. If you want to explore physical touch, schedule a couple hours across a few days (or more, if needed) to approach different parts of the body, starting with neutral spots and moving out from there.
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Use extra caution with emotional S&M. Risks of ‘overthinking’ or obsessive thoughts are increased with emotional S&M. Knowing the potential impact of words or actions is key to enjoying such dynamics in a safer way.
Know the signs of a manic or hypomanic episode. Individuals who experience these kinds of episodes are more likely to make high-risk decisions due to the feelings of euphoria and a tendency toward illogical thinking. Discuss the signs and triggers of an episode with partners.
Consider meditation before a scene or event. Breathing exercises can help to keep you calm during a scene and reduce any anxiety you might have in social engagements.
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Have a plan for if things go wrong. If you or your partner ‘fawn’ or ‘freeze’ in situations, it’s essential to make a plan so that you both know the warning signs of this behaviour and are able to respond quickly. Consider having a clear signal that’s different from your safeword.
Try co-regulating. Try breathing exercises together, or include speaking softly and affirmations during aftercare.
Read our article on Triggers and Trauma for more information.
Note: Whilst having a disability fetish isn’t ethically wrong, nobody should ever be fetishised without their consent.
