Triggers & Trauma in Kink and BDSM

Trauma refers to psychological injuries caused by a distressing event or repeated experiences. It often leaves people feeling overwhelmed, powerless, and struggling to regain control. It can also alter how someone thinks, feels, and behaves long after the trauma occurred.

Triggers are external stimuli that provoke a strong emotional or physical reaction due to past trauma. These triggers can cause flashbacks, anxiety, or other symptoms associated with trauma, particularly in those who have PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder). Triggers vary widely and can include smells, sounds, certain words, or specific activities.

Given the intense physical and psychological dynamics involved in BDSM and kink, it's common for those who engage in these activities to have experienced trauma or to encounter potential triggers.

It’s crucial to recognise these triggers in order to create safe and consensual experiences within the lifestyle.

Coping with Triggers in Kink & BDSM

Identify your triggers: The first step in managing triggers is identifying them. What tends to set off a negative emotional or physical response? Knowing your triggers helps in developing strategies to avoid or cope with them.

Avoid your triggers: If you're not confident managing your potential emotional response, it's often best to avoid triggers altogether. This may require avoiding certain places, activities, or people. If avoidance isn’t possible, reduce exposure to triggers and practice self-care techniques.

Talk to someone: Opening up to a trusted friend, partner, or therapist can provide clarity and support. Talking about your triggers can lead to better coping mechanisms and emotional understanding.

Self-care matters: When you're triggered, it’s essential to focus on your well-being. This means maintaining good physical health by eating well, getting enough sleep, and staying active. It also means finding time to do things that bring you joy and help you unwind.

Pre-play communication: Before engaging in any scene, it's vital to have an open conversation with your partner(s). Clearly outline what might trigger you, and what you need to feel secure during the experience. Be sure to communicate your aftercare needs, too.

Have a plan: If there's potential for triggers during a scene, establish a plan ahead of time. Agree on safewords, schedule breaks, and make sure your partner knows how to help if you need to pause or stop. This applies to all parties involved in a scene, whether you're topping or bottoming.

Don't be afraid to stop: Safewords are a crucial part of BDSM play. If you become triggered, or if the situation becomes too overwhelming, never hesitate to use your safeword. Prioritise your mental and emotional health at all times.

Dealing with Triggers During a Scene

If you get triggered during a scene, your priority should be taking care of yourself. Remove yourself from the situation, engage in self-soothing activities, and allow yourself time to decompress. If your partner is triggered, follow the pre-agreed steps to reassure and help them. If the trigger is unexpected, stay calm, provide support, and help your partner find a safe space.

After an incident, you and your partner might experience feelings of guilt or embarrassment. It's important to talk about what happened and how to prevent similar situations in the future. Open communication is key in these scenarios.

Reclaiming Trauma through BDSM

BDSM and kink can be empowering, allowing some individuals to reclaim their trauma through controlled, consensual scenarios like Consensual Non-Consent (CNC) or role play. These activities can help people feel more in control of their bodies and their responses. However, it's essential to acknowledge the potential for triggers before engaging in trauma-related play. Always proceed with caution and care.

If you’re struggling with triggers or trauma, seeking guidance from a kink-aware therapist or mental health professional can be invaluable. BDSM and kink can be safe and rewarding, but it's crucial to know your boundaries and take steps to protect your mental and emotional health.