Triggers & Trauma in BDSM

Trauma is a psychological injury caused by a single event or a series of events. Trauma can cause a person to feel overwhelmed, helpless, and out of control. It can also cause changes in the way a person thinks, feels, and behaves.

Triggers are external factors that cause a strong emotional or physical reaction as a result of a past trauma. Triggers cause a person to experience a flashback or other symptom of trauma. Triggers can be anything from a specific smell or sound, to certain words or phrases, to a particular activity or sensation. 

Triggers and trauma are common factors of human experience, and thus are common in the BDSM and kink community. People who have experienced trauma may find that certain activities or situations can trigger flashbacks, nightmares, or other symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

Flashbacks are vivid memories of a traumatic event that can feel like they're happening in the present moment.  One way people with PTSD manage their condition is to avoid situations that may trigger them. Along with flashbacks, symptoms of PTSD can include difficulty sleeping and generalised anxiety.

In BDSM and kink, triggers can be anything from certain words or phrases to specific activities or sensations.

For example, someone who has experienced a consent violation in the form of sexual assault may be triggered by being touched in a certain way or by seeing certain objects they associate with the trauma.

It’s important for people who are interested in BDSM and kink to be aware of the potential for triggers and to take steps to avoid them.

Coping With Triggers

There are a number of things you can do to cope with triggers:

Identify your triggers. The first step to dealing with triggers is to identify them. What are the factors that seem to trigger a reaction in you? Once you know what your triggers are, you can start to develop strategies for avoiding them.

Avoid your triggers. Unless you have the emotional and psychological tools needed to handle your emotional response to triggers that may arise, it’s best to avoid triggers altogether. This may mean avoiding certain people, places, or activities. If you cannot avoid your triggers altogether, try to minimise your exposure to them, and practice self-care.

Talk to someone. Talking to someone about your triggers can be helpful. This could be a friend, family member, therapist, or anyone else you feel comfortable talking to. Talking about your triggers can help you to understand them better and to assist you in developing coping mechanisms.

Take care of yourself. When you are triggered, it is important to take care of yourself. This means eating healthy, getting enough sleep, and exercising. It also means doing things that you enjoy and that make you feel good.

In addition to the above steps, it's important to look at how to cope with your triggers during kink & BDSM activities. 

Talk to your partner(s) before play. It's vital to communicate with your partner(s) about your triggers. Let your partner know what activities or situations might trigger you and what you need from them to feel safe. This includes your aftercare needs.

Have a plan. If you're going to be in a situation or scene where you may be triggered, have a plan in place for how you will cope. Ensure you have a safeword that you can use to stop any activity causing you distress. Schedule regular breaks in play sessions to check-in with your partner. 

Don't be afraid to say a safeword. Sometimes the only option to deal with a trigger is to remove yourself from the situation altogether. This includes both Tops and bottoms in scenes. Never feel afraid or ashamed if you have to put an end to a scene for your own wellbeing.

Dealing with triggers during a scene

If you are triggered during BDSM or kink, the first key step is to take care of yourself. Remove yourself from the situation and do something that helps you to calm down, such as meditation, listening to music, or going for a walk. Do not force yourself to continue.

If your partner has been triggered, ensure you follow whatever steps you previously negotiated to help them feel reassured and safe. In the event that an unknown trigger occurs, remain calm and help your partner get to a safe place where they can decompress. Never abandon your triggered partner.

If you've been triggered, you or your partner may be dealing with confusion, guilt, or embarrassment. It's important to talk to your partner about what happened and how you’re feeling. You may also be able to identify ways to avoid triggering again. Regardless of whether you are triggered or are the one who accidentally triggers a partner, respect a partner’s request for time or distance to deal with the experience.

There are many people who have experienced trauma and may be coping with triggers in kink & BDSM. It is important to remember that you are not alone. There are many resources available to help if you are struggling. A kink-friendly therapist can also help you to understand your triggers and develop coping mechanisms for dealing with them.

BDSM and kink can be a safe and enjoyable way for people to explore their sexuality, and some kinksters use activities like Consensual Non-Consent (CNC) or role play to overcome their past trauma by reclaiming the experience in a positive way with someone they trust.

However, it is important to be aware of the high potential for triggers before engaging in BDSM or a kink directly related to trauma.