Morality in Kink
A difficult subject to broach in kink and BDSM is that of taboo.
There’s no easy way to discuss the ‘unacceptable’ kinks that exist out there, and as a result, kinksters who are drawn to these activities can quickly find themselves without a safe place to talk or explore.
This is because much of what kinksters will deem as unethical or immoral is rooted in their own belief system, or societal norms, and determining a good versus a bad kink is difficult without making some kind of judgement. It doesn’t help that fetishes and paraphilias have historically been classified as psychiatric disorders, and many are still observed as such by mental health professionals and the general population.
Having kinks and fetishes that are not acted upon shouldn’t be a cause for shaming, but it unfortunately is. Particular kinky fantasies are considered sensitive, either because they lack the consent of all involved parties, or because they are illegal, or simply because they are misunderstood.
Kynk 101 strives to explore the reasons people have particular kinks, and the content of this article is not a condonement of these activities, but rather an acknowledgement of the kinks and fetishes that may involve taboo topics.
What are bad kinks and fetishes?
There is technically no such thing as a ‘bad’ kink. What makes a kink bad is intent.
A kink, as we define it, is an unconventional or unusual sexual preference or behaviour. Acting on particular kinks is where good and bad comes into question.
Various sexual preferences in ‘mainstream’ kink and BDSM have at some point or other been looked upon as taboo subjects, but the modern world still considers some topics too taboo to be acceptable.
Nobody should have the right to judge you for what causes your arousal, but if you act upon your preferences where the practice breaks the law, people legally can, and often do.
You will find in kink and BDSM, as in the outside world, there are codes of conduct; whether that’s in social media Community Guidelines prohibiting scat, blood, or other forms of pornography, or in play spaces and dungeons prohibiting unprotected sex.
Ethics and Morality in Kink and Fetish
Ethics: n. a set of moral principles, especially ones relating to or affirming a specified group, field, or form of conduct.
Morals: n. standards of behaviour; principles of right and wrong.
Whilst these terms are interchangeable, many people consider morals to be personal, and ethics to be social or community standards.
The BDSM community as a whole is an example of how difficult determining the difference between these two terms can be. The ethics of BDSM and kink behaviour are fairly communal: consent, risk awareness, and safety - these pillars are strongly upheld in the community, but diverse in individual approaches, such as SSC, RACK, PRICK, and even BORK. The morality of BDSM and kink lies with the person or persons involved.
What’s the difference between ethics and morality in kink?
Adultery Kink
An example of the difference between morals and ethics within kink and fetish is adultery. Many kinksters believe - morally - that cheating on a partner is fundamentally wrong, and therefore cannot be considered a kink. Within a kink context - ethically - adultery does not have the consent of the partner being cheated on, and so could be ‘wrong’. However, in reality, the practice is widespread, and many kinksters have a relatively neutral opinion on adultery, thus suggesting the ethicality is open to debate. As such, for the kinksters who are aroused by being the ‘other partner’, it can be an isolating fetish or kink to have.
Race Play Kink
Similarly, race play is a hugely controversial kink or fetish to admit to. Many kinksters, whether BIPOC or not, will fight against the idea that a race can be fetishised. Morally, as long as the partners involved in the fetish play are consenting, then it isn’t the business of outsiders. However, fetishising an entire race against their communal consent is very difficult ground to navigate. Being sexually attracted to races different to your own is not fundamentally bad. Treating those of a different race as personal fetish dispensers without their consent, however, is ethically wrong; it segregates people by the colour of their skin, much like racism. Treating any person as a personal kink or fetish dispenser, rather than treating them as people, is also ethically wrong.
Breeding Kink
Another sensitive kink or fetish is breeding and/or bareback sex. Whilst many kinksters will voice that protected sex is a must to prevent STIs and STDs or unwanted pregnancy, some kinksters are turned on by the idea of impregnating or being impregnated by a partner, and others are aroused by the practice known as ‘bug chasing’ (seeking to be infected by an STI or STD). Their arousal is not a moral issue, but, ethically, choosing to forego protection is a question of consent. If both partners are consenting to unprotected sex, and are communicating this practice with current or future partners, the issue becomes moot.
Illegal Kinks and Fetishes
There are some kinks and fetishes which are illegal in many countries, but the variance of these activities calls into question their taboo status.
Local laws may prohibit sadomasochistic activities, polyamory, or even kissing, for example. More widely-illegal fetishes and practices would be things like bestiality or zoophilia (involving animals), paedophilia (involving minors), raptophilia (involving rape), and incest (involving blood relatives).
That said, the counter argument to raptophilia’s illegality is that it can be done ethically via kinks such as consensual non-consent and rape play, both of which are commonplace within BDSM.
The judicial system will often look upon these consensual activities as still outside of the law, however.
In stark contrast, marital rape - forcing your spouse to have sex against their will - is still legal in ten countries as of 2019, including four countries where it was permissible even if the victim was a child, and where the ‘marriage’ was in violation of the minimum age of marriage laws. Likewise, the legal age to get married with parental consent in some religions and cultures around the world is as low as twelve years old, but charities and associations across the globe are fighting to bring these laws in line with globally-acceptable levels.
There are also many countries where bestiality is legal, and yet same-sex marriage is still against the law, even in the industrialised world. In several EU countries alone, sexual conduct with an animal is a legal act, although campaigners fight for more animal rights every day. Within the same argument that kink must be consensual, an animal cannot say yes or no and therefore is - morally - wrong. However - ethically - in these countries, the practice itself is perfectly allowed.
If all of the taboo kinks and fetishes were suddenly acceptable and lawful, would society accept them simply because they were allowed?
Should I be worried if I’m aroused by taboo?
If the idea of taboo kinks and fetishes, rather than the practice of them, is what turns you on, the question of ethics and morality becomes much harder to define.
Many people will say that their kinks and fetishes are not a choice, and arousal can and does come in many forms.
If you’re concerned about your sexual preferences, you should talk to a kink-friendly mental health professional, but bear in mind that the difference between good and bad is subjective to some degree. Your intent to act upon something marks the distinction. You may not be able to change what turns you on, but only you can make the choice of whether or not to act upon something which will violate someone else, or break the law in your country.
