Getting Into the Swing of Things
What is swinging?
Swinging is a form of consensual non-monogamy in which partners or married individuals engage in group sex or sex with other people’s partners, commonly in a communal setting.
As with polyamory, people who are swingers (or are in “The Lifestyle” as it’s often known), are not necessarily kinky. Swingers also aren’t necessarily polyamorous, as the tendency is to maintain sexual relationships versus deep emotional ties with numerous partners.
Single individuals can also engage in swinging and are often referred to as “unicorns”.
The swinging community tends to skew largely towards bisexual female unicorns versus male ones, with many swinger events encouraging single women to attend, while single men are often deterred, or in the very least charged an inflated admission fee.
Swinger Terminology & Culture
On Premise vs Off Premise
Swinging can take place in many forms, ranging from clubs and resorts to private parties and events. At clubs and events, the act of swinging may or may not take place on premises. clubs and events typically have rooms or areas set up for people to have sex, while “off premise” will usually involve a meeting at a bar or hotel before moving to a hotel room or private residence.
Same room vs Separate Room
These are pretty much self-explanatory terms for determining how the sexual activities will take place. Much depends on the comfort level of everyone involved. Some partners enjoy the voyeurism and exhibitionism aspects of “same room,” and it can provide a sense of safety for partners who are new to the lifestyle and prefer to keep together.
Soft Swap vs Hard Swap
“Swapping” partners can involve just oral sex (“soft swap”), or vaginal or anal sex (“full swap” or “hard swap”). Soft swaps are typically a means for some couples to dip a toe in the swinging waters while keeping penetrative sex to their own relationships.
Tips for Exploring the Swinger Lifestyle
Discuss everything before you start swinging
Swinging can be a thrilling experience for everyone involved, but just as scenes are negotiated, you and your partner should have a clear understanding about what you each want out of the experience. Discussing your feelings, hesitations, hopes, and misgivings can minimize the risk of unintentionally hurting your partner or breaking trust.
Go slowly - don’t rush into swinging
We say this a lot around here, but that’s because with any new activity it’s best to proceed with care. Being mindful of both your own feelings and those of your partner and periodically checking in with one another is absolutely critical. You both should be prepared for the possibility that swinging isn’t for you, or that it might be wonderful for your partner while making you feel uncomfortable or worse.
Respect the boundaries of other swingers
Don’t assume that everyone at a swinger event wants to have sex with you. As with the kink community, the swinger community relies on consent. Approach partners with politeness and sincerity, and respect them if they decline your proposition.
Practice safe sex with your swing partners
Be prepared to discuss your sexual health, and expect other swingers to do the same. Wear condoms or have them ready for your partner to wear. Being transparent about such things can help mitigate the risk of transmitting an STI.
