Hedonism

Hedonism comes from the ancient Grecian Cyreniac school of philosophy, which holds that pleasure is the highest good, and it’s the highest virtue to revel in that pleasure. 

This makes it distinct from sensualism, which holds that gratification of the senses is the most important and highest good.

Hedonism has a number of interpretations, but is largely split into the psychological and the ethical.

Psychological Hedonism

Psychological hedonism holds that all human action is, at its core, motivated by the desire for pleasure as well as avoiding pain. 

In this context, pleasure is painted with a wide brush to include emotions ranging from joy to contentment to satisfaction, and everything in between. In other words, pleasure is equated with positive feelings. Similarly, pain is defined as all the negative feelings: discomfort, anxiety, fear, regret, and so on. 

Of course the world is not black and white, as not every action produces pleasure or reduces displeasure. Sometimes such feelings overlap and mix together, and people aiming for pleasure can actually end up quite unhappy. In fact, in the conscious pursuit of all those good feelings, human beings can end up quite miserable. 

This is called the ‘paradox of hedonism’, and has been alluded to in many famous books such as Viktor Frankl’s classic Man’s Search for Meaning and the pop-psychology, best-seller Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck by Mark Manson.

Ethical Hedonism

Ethical hedonism is the philosophy that the fundamental obligation of human existence is to achieve as much pleasure as possible in one’s lifetime. 

How one approaches this pursuit of all things pleasurable separates the egotistical hedonists from the altruistic ones. 

Whilst egotistical hedonism necessitates that the only pleasure that matters is one’s own, altruistic hedonism holds that shared pleasure is not only the best way to achieve hedonistic goals, but is the most ethical way.

Is Hedonism in kink egotistical or altruistic?

It depends on who you ask. Ideally, a hedonist practices egotistical hedonism only within negotiated scenes or dynamics. Even then, at their core, such circumstances are arguably altruistic. The conundrum is how such an arrangement can be truly egotistical hedonism if it’s mutually desired.

One partner’s pleasure may come before the other’s and the hedonistic partner’s pleasure may not matter at all in the context of the dynamic. The hedonist in this equation could argue that they are being egotistical, but in order to express one’s hedonism in this way, one must first find a partner who wants this arrangement. As a result, aren’t both partners satisfying their respective desires?

The partner who wants to relinquish all pleasure is paradoxically receiving a positive experience. The supposed ‘egotistical hedonist’ is in turn only acting on their desires with consideration for their partner.

As we’ve discussed before, morality and ethics are two different things. So assuming a hedonist does indeed care about their partner - at least to the degree of negotiating a scene or relationship - what does this say about the moral character of such arrangements? Perhaps because of the nuances present in such arrangements, hedonism still carries a bad reputation both inside and outside of the kinky world.

Is hedonism ‘bad’?

Hedonism is simply one of the myriad approaches to kink. Hedonists are not any more ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ than any other kinkster.

Philosophical critics often fault hedonism for ignoring other common values such as freedom and equality when evaluating what is good or ethical. In the kink community, one could argue that there are kink-specific values to consider such as consent and safety. As a result, hedonism has often been tied to selfish, sometimes narcissistic, pleasure-seekers who have no sense of morality. 

These negative views of what it means to be a hedonist stem from the Christian influences on society, particularly concepts such as moderation and chastity. Even in kinky realms, the concept that pleasure in and of itself is a worthy goal can prove challenging.

Here at Kynk 101, we spend a lot of time driving home the importance of safety, consent, negotiations, and other technical aspects of kink - but we’d like to re-emphasize a simple, key fact:

Kink is intended to be fun. It’s pleasurable. It’s a positive experience.

If anything, hedonists remind us that BDSM and kink exist because people want to explore different ways of enjoying themselves and seeking satisfaction. In that way, perhaps there’s a little hedonism in every kinkster.