Doxing In Kink & BDSM
Doxing (or doxxing) is the sharing of someone’s private information without their consent, usually with malicious intent.
In the kinky realm, this often takes the form of sharing someone’s kinky identity with their close friends, family, or other partners. Sharing someone’s kink identity through emails, letters, and phone calls is also a form of doxing.
The vast majority of kinksters don’t endorse doxxing, as the action itself is a violation of someone’s personal boundaries and is essentially an attempt to shame that individual for their kinky identity.
Doxing can take any number of forms, ranging from posting an individual’s real name or other private information on kink social media sites to sharing photos, writings, or video of the individual with their loved ones or even their employers.
Why do kinky people get doxxed?
The reasons for why someone shares another person’s kinky identity without their consent are as varied as the reasons for any other form of malice.
Some kinksters who dox are incensed or heartbroken, seeking to inflict emotional pain on their ex. Sometimes, doxing is an attempt to blackmail a kinkster - and this can also be fraudulent. Motivations behind doxing can also be unclear, as is the case when someone’s online identity is shared anonymously with members of their family, their place of employment, or other individuals who would be impacted by the information.
Examples of doxxing can include revenge porn, blackmail, or sharing a person’s social media profile with family members, friends, or professional connections.
How do I keep from being doxed?
Outside of coming out completely or never sharing your kinks with anyone online or in your life, the risk of being doxed will always be a possibility.
However, there are ways to mitigate that risk. We offer a number of suggestions in our articles, Keeping Your Kinks Private and Keeping Safe on a Kink Site.
What do I do if I’m doxed?
Being doxed can be detrimental to your personal and professional relationships and can involve significant damage control.
Pursuing legal action against someone who has doxed you is not recommended, however unjust the action. Keep in mind that in most countries, BDSM and kink are illegal, so you run a very high risk of having the tables turned against you by the court of law. However, if you’ve been unfaithful to a partner and you want to repair that relationship, owning up to your dishonesty and being willing to listen to your partner can go a long way towards healing.
Depending on the nature of the information shared, your best bet is to be honest and forthcoming about your kink identity.
People who dox are often counting on societal norms to be used against you. For this reason, it’s also incredibly important that you do your best to be kind to yourself and avoid feelings of shame or guilt for being kinky.
Talking with other kinky friends can also be a form of support and comfort during difficult times such as these. Regardless of what information is shared, you may also want to explore counselling, either on your own or with those who’ve also been affected.
If you’re considering doxing someone, we encourage you to talk with like-minded friends and loved ones, or a licensed counselor who can help you address and work through your feelings in a way that doesn’t inflict harm on someone else.
In the world of kink, consent is at the core of everything we do. Doxing not only violates consent, but also has the potential to break apart relationships, careers, and familial ties.
