What To Wear In Kink & BDSM

Whether it’s your first scene with a new partner, or your first scene ever, or even just a scene after a year-long hiatus, it’s likely that one of the first questions you’re going to ask yourself is:

What should I wear?

The short answer: Whatever you feel comfortable wearing. 

The long answer: It largely depends on the scene, and the image you want to project. While kink and fetish play is about exploration, discovery, and simply having fun, there is an element of theatre to ascene. You're potentially stepping into an obscured part of yourself - a persona, a role - and how you wish to portray that role will include the clothing, in the same way a theatrical production has a costume. 

Some kinksters will put a lot of focus on their attire during a scene, whilst others will simply opt for some nice lingerie, or perhaps nudity.

There is no defined standard to what you should wear for a scene, although play spaces and events may have a particular dress code to stick to.

Is kinky clothing a requirement in BDSM?

Whilst not a requirement, choice of clothing can be a major part of a power dynamic, and many kinksters have their preferences of how to portray a role through dress alone.

Dominants often tend to choose clothing that projects authority, absolutism, and influence.

This can be as simple as jeans with a shirt, or a pencil skirt and blouse, right through to 'high protocol' clothing such as three-piece suits with power ties, or corsets with wingtips or stiletto heels. In play, a Dominant may remain fully clothed for the duration of the scene, so thought needs to go into an ensemble for this reason.

Footwear can be considered for both purpose and aesthetic. Boots are a common choice among Dominants regardless of gender, and are sometimes used for impact play scenes. Gloves may be worn to protect a Dominant's hands during specific forms of play, such as medical play, or can simply be used to assert authority. Footwear choices could include sandals, slippers, or heels - regardless of gender. A submissive might even go barefoot. 

Submissives might choose clothing that ranges from simple lingerie and casual clothes to kink-specific clothing. 

For some types of play, submissives might choose form-fitting latex that accentuates their features for a D-type’s pleasure, or they may opt for a leather harness, Speedos and a bow-tie, or even a French maid or “serving girl” outfit. If a submissive is officially collared, a play collar is usually worn. If the collar is worn as part of pet play, ears and whiskers may be added to complement the attire. 

Cross-dressing is common in scenes, be it as drag, a style preference, or as a form of powerplay.

Cross-dressing can also be used in humiliation and degradation play for cuckolds, sissies, slaves, or other s-types.

Depending on the dynamic, the kinks involved, and at the discretion of their Dominant, a submissive may become fully or partially nude during the course of a scene. As a dynamic develops, Dominants may also dictate what a submissive may wear in day-to-day life as a component of their power exchange. 

What is considered fetish wear?

Leather, lace, and rubber are the standard choices for fetish wear, but kinksters have the freedom to make their own choices in how they express themselves through their clothing.

Whilst a specific dress-style might be common, it doesn’t need to be exclusive. Matching military and civil service uniforms, such as police officer, firefighter, pilot, etc. might be worn by both partners. 

Those in the Leather subculture will most often wear their gear - which may be a leather vest with rockers and patches, leather pants, or just leather accessories.

However, leather is not exclusive to this subgroup of kinksters. Dominants of all types/associations frequently incorporate leather into their attire, including chaps, kilts, harnesses, and bustiers. Latex and PVC are also an option, though more commonly one chosen by Dommes to accentuate their figure. 

For age play, clothing that projects an age range is a common choice.

This might include knee-high socks, short skirts or boy shorts, lacy undergarments, hair ribbons and bows, or perhaps a traditional school girl/boy uniform or romper. 

Medical play regularly involves the use of lab coats, scrubs, medical masks, and latex or vinyl gloves.

It may also feature medical supplies such as stethoscopes, speculums, thermometers, and exam tables. 

Animalistic primal play may incorporate furs and animal skins, as well as dental inserts for fangs, and even removable steel claws. 

School uniforms may be worn by s-types with the D-type dressing as teacher, professor, librarian, or taskmaster. 

Office attire can also be the focus: Dominants playing the role of boss or foreman while the submissive takes on the role of employee/subordinate.

What you wear depends largely on the relationship between you and your partner(s), and you should always be respectful of your partners’ decisions about what they wear for a scene - even as the Dominant party. 

Considerations When Choosing Kinky Clothing: 

What to Wear During Rope & Bondage:

If it’s a casual scene or part of a class, it’s best to go with street clothes.

For more intimate relationships, the bottom may be fully or partially nude, sometimes wearing an undergarment over the genitals to avoid the rope being exposed to body fluids.

Due to the absorbent nature of some rope fibres, rope Tops are conscious of this exposure, particularly if they intend to reuse their rope with multiple partners.

If, as the bottom, you opt to wear clothes, stick with more tight-fitting clothing such as yoga pants, sports bras, and other similar items. This will make things easier for the person doing the tying.

What to Wear During Impact Play:

Depending on what will be hit, bottoms/subs are often nude or partially nude during impact play to allow for skin contact. However, this is not a requirement - an experienced Impact Top will respect clothing choices and work within constraints.

For the conscious/modest bottom, a thong can be worn to cover the genitals while prominently displaying the buttocks. The same goes with impact on the upper body: button-down shirts can be worn by the bottom to display the breasts while providing a modicum of coverage to the remaining torso. Be mindful of lace over the targeted part of the body, as this can result in skin abrasion, depending on the level of impact.

What to Wear During Pony Play:

A thorough and dedicated subset of fetish and kink, ponies may be for ‘show’, wearing high-shine latex, rubber, or leather, or ‘work’, with a focus on harnesses, mouth bits, saddles, bridles, and carts. Ponies may wear an entire horse-shaped head covering, complete with a styled mane, hoof hand mitts and specially-designed shoes, and may wear a horse tail in the form of a clip-on or plug.

The ponies’ Master/Mistress/Handler/Owner may wear any form of clothing, but will likely carry a crop or whip, if only for display. It’s worth noting that pony attire is not subtle, nor is it lightweight - if you’re attending a pony play event, you may wish to change into your pony attire when you arrive, rather than before travelling.

No matter what you wear, be sure to be appropriately covered in public, especially when arriving at or leaving kink events, and always have a change of street clothes on hand for when a scene is over.

Regardless of your role on the D/s spectrum or the kink involved, the key to remember with clothing and attire is to be comfortable. You may discover that your clothing choice doesn’t lend well to a particular kink or you’re not entirely comfortable with a certain level of exposure, and that’s perfectly okay.