What Is a Submissive?
A submissive (or s-type) is one who cedes control to a Dominant partner within a power exchange dynamic.
The Kynk 101 team was a bit humbled when we attempted to define “submissive energy” via a survey. We thought that perhaps there was an agreed-upon set of characteristics that encapsulated that “submissive energy”. But as with everything in kink, we should’ve known better than to try and put things into a neat little box.
As it turns out, submissives are as diverse as humankind. If ceding control to another person doesn’t sound like your kink, check out the dominants companion to this page.
Does a submissive always do what they’re told?
It’s a popular myth that submissives are docile personalities who grovel at the feet of every Dominant who walks in the door. Nothing could be further from the truth.
Just because someone identifies as a submissive doesn’t mean that they “belong” to every Dominant. Likewise, submissives don’t just stay chained up in a dungeon waiting to be told what to do… Well, not unless they want to…
The truth of the matter is this:
Submissives have a say in every part of a D/s relationship except what they consent to hand over to a Dominant partner.
In D/s relationships, submissives talk openly about their needs and wants. They communicate their limits and their expectations of a relationship with a Dominant. Not only do submissives choose how and when to be submissives, but they also have complete and utter autonomy in deciding who they want to submit to and for how long that submission will last.
How can I learn to be a sub?
The desire to be a submissive exists in every race, ethnicity, gender, sex, and culture. If you’re drawn to the role, you don’t have to fit a strict set of criteria to be a submissive. But if you’re new to kink and are feeling a bit uncertain as to where to begin, check out our Guide to Getting Started.
How do I find a submissive partner?
Vetting a play partner is an important first step whenever you’re exploring BDSM and kink relationships. We’ve compiled some questions to ask potential partners as well as tips on safely finding kinky play partners.
As with any other facet of life, kink and BDSM have their fair share of bad apples. It’s easy to frame Dominants as dangerous or toxic individuals because the imbalance of a power dynamic leans in their favor. Knowing what to look out for is incredibly important to being a risk-aware kinkster (and submissive, if that’s your kink).
What are the red flags of a submissive partner?
It’s important to recognize the types of things that the BDSM world considers to be “red flags”. But we think it’s equally important to know how to identify a “green flag”. Learn about recognising toxicity in BDSM.
