What Is Sadism?
Sadism is the enjoyment (sexual or otherwise) of inflicting physical and/or emotional pain on someone else.
This pain can be inflicted on a masochist (one who enjoys being subjected to physical/emotional suffering), or can be self-inflicted. One who enjoys both the giving and receiving of pain is known as a sadomasochist.
Sadism has long been regarded as a mental illness, with cases documented throughout history about heinous acts committed by ‘sadists’, but thankfully, modern psychology is slowly paving the way to normalising the kink and BDSM practice - the most recent version of the DSM declared sadism to be a mental illness only if the desire to hurt caused significant emotional anguish or if the individual enacted their sadistic tendencies in a way that violated someone else’s consent.
Am I a Sadist?
Only you can answer that question. But talking to other like-minded individuals who identify as sadist or sadomasochist can help formulate your own thoughts and opinions on the matter, and can help alleviate any shame you may feel.
Coming to terms with the fact that you like hurting people can be a struggle, but you aren’t alone. Many kinksters openly comment on their struggle overcoming feelings of shame about their sadistic tendencies, and those emotions often can and do arise again, well into someone’s exploration of sadism.
As with every role, kinksters who identify as a sadist can take on many other titles as well. A sadist can be a Dominant or a Top just as much as they can be a submissive or a bottom. Likewise, the spectrum of what constitutes sadistic activity is very wide. Someone who enjoys light scratches and biting during sex can be a sadist just as much as someone who enjoys striking their partner with their hands, fists, or other implement.
Considerations for Beginner Physical Sadism
Don’t go too hard too soon with pain
We say it a lot on this site, but it’s always worth repeating: start slowly.
You greatly increase the possibility of inflicting harm (versus hurt) when you first start exploring S&M, so consider a slow start as a safety measure for both you and your partner.
A common mistake that beginner sadists make is to strike, twist, scratch, bite, or otherwise hurt their partner with as much gusto as they can manage straight out of the gate. As tempting as this may be, “warming up” your bottom is a key component to extending a scene for a longer period of time.
Understand that physical pain has many forms
Whilst impact play is the most common way physical sadists can get their fix, it’s not the only one.
If the thought of striking someone with an implement (or body part) doesn’t appeal to you, perhaps you’re more of a sensual sadist who enjoys things such as pressure points, forced orgasms, or cock and ball torture (CBT).
Understand the safety risks of physical sadism
As with most kinks, sadism is an inherently risky activity.
Being a responsible sadist means that you take time to not only research but also understand the activities that attract you. Our risk mitigation guides are a great place to start.
The state of mind of a sadist matters
Prior to engaging in a scene, make sure that your emotions are in check.
It’s best to not play if you’re angry or upset with your play partner (or with anyone else), as this can affect your concentration and also increase the severity of your play.
Considerations for Beginner Emotional Sadism
For an emotional sadist, hurting a consensual participant is done through behaviours and words (or lack thereof) rather than through physical means. The key difference between physical and emotional sadism is the absence of visible marks left afterward. As in physical S&M, the masochist may shed tears, but there’s otherwise no evidence of what was inflicted.
Because it’s a purely mental endeavour, the risks of emotional sadism can be equally if not more severe than that of impact play and other less psychological kink activities.
Emotional sadists need to be aware of the risk of significant mood changes, low self-esteem, and even depression in their bottoms.
The possibility for emotional sadists to drop is also quite real. Strong feelings of guilt, shame, or remorse are common side effects for having done or said hurtful things, even if such activities were negotiated beforehand.
Emotional sadism can range from gentle humiliation and degradation - such as softly admonishing a partner for being so hard or so desperate to cum - right through to heavy degradation play and mindfucks.
A mindfuck involving emotional sadism and masochism can have a lasting effect - be sure that you are ready to commit to extensive aftercare if needed, and have a strong sense of trust and understanding in your own personal boundaries as well as those of your partner.
If you’d like to test the waters of emotional S&M, check out this risk mitigation guide, and be sure to try out different things slowly so that you can be sure to undo any potential psychological damage.
