Sadism & Masochism (S&M)

Sadism refers to the enjoyment of inflicting physical and/or emotional pain, whether sexual or otherwise, on someone else. Masochism is the enjoyment of receiving such pain or suffering.

When both inflicting and receiving pain brings enjoyment, we use the term sadomasochism.

A deeper look reveals some variations, such as algolagnia - arousal from the sensation of pain (often called "the good pain"). There’s also rhabdophilia, the paraphilia associated with arousal from being beaten or punished.

Although S&M involves power exchange, it's different from Dominance and submission (D/s) because it's generally scene-specific, rather than a structured dynamic.

Sadists & Masochists

Each role within S&M has its own label:

• Masochist: The person who enjoys receiving pain.

• Sadist: The person who enjoys inflicting pain.

• Sadomasochist: Someone who enjoys both roles.

• Pain Slut: A playful term for a masochist who relishes the sensation of pain itself.

These roles can overlap with others. For instance, a sadist might also be a Dominant or Top, while a masochist could be a submissive or bottom. Even switches—who alternate between giving and receiving—can engage in S&M dynamics.

It’s common for kinksters to struggle with feelings of shame around their sadistic or masochistic desires. If this sounds familiar, talking to others in the lifestyle can help you navigate these emotions and explore different types of masochism, such as impact play or bondage.

Historically, sadism has been seen as a mental disorder, with heinous acts often attributed to so-called ‘sadists’. Fortunately, modern psychology has shifted towards normalising healthy expressions of kink.

According to the DSM-5-TR, sadism is only considered a disorder if it causes “significant emotional anguish” or is enacted without consent. Similarly, masochism is no longer viewed as a mental illness unless it leads to serious emotional distress. However, self-harm (distinct from consensual masochism) is still recognised as a serious mental health issue. If you're uncertain about whether your or your partner's masochistic tendencies are healthy, seeking advice from a medical professional is encouraged.

Identifying a role in S&M

Only you can answer the question of whether S&M is right for you. Whether you think you might be a sadist, a masochist, or even a sadomasochist, talking to other like-minded individuals who identify as these roles can help formulate your own thoughts and opinions on the matter, and can help alleviate any shame you may feel.

Coming to terms with the fact that you like hurting people or being hurt yourself can be a struggle, but you aren’t alone. Many kinksters openly comment on their struggle overcoming feelings of shame about their S&M tendencies, and those emotions often can and do arise again, well into someone’s exploration.

As with every role, kinksters who identify as a sadist or masochist can take on many other titles as well. A Dominant can be a masochist, just as much as a brat can be sadistic! Likewise, the spectrum of what constitutes S&M activity is very wide.

Types of S&M

S&M activities vary, from light scratching and biting during sex to full scenes involving spanking or other forms of physical play. For beginners, it’s tempting to dive in enthusiastically, but taking things slowly can help you avoid physical harm.

Physical S&M

Physical S&M refers to the infliction of physical pain rather than emotional pain. As a beginner, it’s crucial to familiarise yourself with different sensations—try out implements on yourself or with a service Top before experimenting with a partner. Understanding these sensations helps you manage a scene effectively, ensuring both safety and enjoyment.

Here are some tips for engaging in physical S&M:

• Start Slow: Always warm up before diving into intense play.

• Communicate: If you're the bottom, be clear when approaching your pain threshold to help the Top understand your tolerance.

• Educate Yourself: Learn about the risks of S&M and practice risk-aware kink. You can explore our risk mitigation guides.

• Don't Compete: Pain tolerance varies from person to person—there's no need to compare yourself to others.

S&M isn't limited to impact play. Alternatives include pressure points, forced orgasms, breast/clit torture, and cock and ball torture (CBT). Rough penetration, biting, hair-pulling, and needle play are other avenues of exploration.

Emotional S&M

As the name suggests, emotional S&M focuses on psychological pain. The emotional toll can be as intense as physical pain - think of the feeling of heartbreak. Emotional S&M can include:

• Humiliation & Degradation: Acts of contempt or disrespect, often performed in public or private scenes.

• Mindfucks: Psychological games that play with perceptions of reality. These are considered edge play due to their potential for lasting emotional effects.

Unlike physical S&M, emotional S&M doesn’t leave visible marks, but it can have profound impacts on the participants. It’s crucial to approach emotional S&M with care, ensuring full consent and understanding of the limits involved.

S&M offers a vast spectrum of experiences, from light pain to deep emotional play. Remember that your journey is unique—there’s no need to fit into a particular mould or push yourself beyond your limits. Communication, research, and awareness are key to enjoying these activities safely and responsibly.

For further reading, check out our guides on impact play, bondage basics, or other S&M articles.