Dealing With Breakups in Kink
Breakups are never easy. They can be especially difficult when they involve a power exchange dynamic.
As these relationships are often based on a deep level of trust and intimacy, the breakup can feel like the loss of a significant part of your life.
Because BDSM breakups can be difficult to overcome, consider the following before pursuing a power exchange dynamic.
Be honest with yourself about your needs. What are you looking for in a relationship? What are your deal breakers? Once you know what you want, you can start to look for a partner who is a good fit for you.
Be patient. It can take a long time to find the right partner, and there’s no need to rush into a dynamic. Be mindful of the potential for Frenzy. Take your time vetting potential partners, and then even more time getting to know someone before you enter into a BDSM relationship.
Communicate openly and honestly with your potential partner(s). This is essential for any relationship, but especially important in BDSM relationships. Be sure to talk about your expectations, your limits, and your desires. Negotiations can take place throughout a dynamic, and it's a good practice to revisit your negotiations regularly throughout the duration of your dynamic.
Take care of yourself. BDSM can be physically and emotionally demanding. Make sure you are taking care of your body and your mind. Get enough sleep, eat healthy foods, and exercise regularly.
Find a support system. BDSM can be a surprisingly lonely lifestyle if you're not involved in local events or communities. Make sure you have a support system of like-minded or empathetic friends, family, or other BDSM practitioners who can offer you support and advice.
Trust your gut. If something doesn't feel right, it probably isn't. Don't be afraid to walk away from a situation that doesn't feel good for you, regardless of how far into the dynamic you are.
Dealing with BDSM Breakups
If you are going through a breakup with a BDSM partner, there are a few things you can do to cope with the situation:
Allow yourself to grieve. It’s normal to feel sad, angry, and confused after a breakup. Give yourself time to process these emotions and don't try to bottle them up.
Avoid contact with your ex. This can be difficult, but it's important to give yourself time to heal. If you continue to see or talk to your ex, it will be harder to move on.
Talk to someone you trust. Talking about your breakup with a person you trust can help you to feel better and provide the support that you need. You can talk to a friend, family member, therapist, or anyone else you feel comfortable with.
Take care of yourself. Simple self-care steps like eating healthy, getting enough sleep, and exercising will help you to feel better both physically and emotionally.
Find new activities to occupy your time. This can help you to take your mind off of the breakup and to start to heal. Try new things, spend time with friends and family, or do something outside BDSM that you enjoy.
Seek professional help if you need it. If you are struggling to cope with the breakup, it's important to seek professional help. A kink-friendly therapist can help you to deal with your emotions and develop coping mechanisms.
Remember, you are not alone. There are many people who have gone through a breakup with a BDSM partner and come out the other side. With time, you will heal and you will be able to find a dynamic that works for you again.
