Mitigating Risk in Emotional S&M
Emotional Sadism & Masochism (S&M) is a psychological form of play where typically negative emotions are used to prompt a response from the submissive or bottom.
This is a form of edge play and should be approached with additional care.
Common Risks of Emotional S&M:
Lasting emotional trauma
Altered consciousness
Broken trust
Triggering
Key Requirements of Emotional S&M:
Trust
Communication
Aftercare
Things to Consider In Emotional S&M
Talk emotional S&M through at length before you begin
Emotional S&M is a very profound experience, and can be incredibly connective, but it isn’t an activity to rush into. Talking about the things you’d like to experience in an emotional S&M scene is as equally important as communicating what you don’t want to experience. Dedicate time to discussing the options, outcomes, risks and consequences, and potential setups for this kind of scene, as well as planning for any deviations from what you might typically require for aftercare.
Be aware of your mental state before emotional S&M
Right up to the moment of beginning the scene, be mindful of your mental state. If you’re anxious going into the scene, it stands to reason that your anxiety will manifest throughout the scene and potentially amplify those feelings. If you aren’t sure you’re in the right mental state to indulge in an emotionally taxing scene - either as the Top or bottom - then postpone the scene. Don’t push it.
Journal to understand your feelings
Often a handy way of meditating on feelings is to journal before and after a scene. This can be especially helpful in providing yourself with a good grounding so that you can restabilise after. If you write about your feelings for your play partner (trust, emotional attachment, how you communicate), you’ll be able to re-familiarise yourself with them, even after a difficult scene. Your mind can be your own worst enemy, but writing down what’s in there when it’s clear, it can also be your best ally.
Be open about potential triggers
An all-too-frequent outcome of emotional S&M scenes is the unexpected triggering of a partner. Past trauma and stressors can rush back to haunt us when we explore new territory in our psyche, and it’s difficult to circumvent that process. The key is to be as open as can be with partners about what you feel could be a trigger, and decide between yourselves if that’s an area you want to play or not.
Set your boundaries for emotional S&M clearly
As the bottom, if you decide there’s an area you’re not willing to touch on in emotional S&M, ensure you communicate it clearly. If you’re not willing to explore humiliation about your weight, but you are willing to be humiliated about your kinks, mark the difference. Similarly, as the Top, be sure you point out what your boundaries are. It’s just as important for a Top to not be left traumatised as it is for the bottom.
Outweigh the scene with aftercare
After the scene is over, Tops should be prepared for the bottom to be a heap of messy emotions, whilst recognizing their own potential risk to feel similarly. Aftercare needs to be negotiated upfront, but try to strike a balance that favours the aftercare more than the activity. Emotional stress lasts a lot longer than a physical battering and it’s important to ensure that bottoms and Tops are left feeling valued and cared for - nobody should be left questioning whether the scene was more true than reality.
Be patient and communicative in emotional S&M
It's very easy to go too far in emotional S&M, and that doesn’t mean you’re bad at it. Mistakes are commonplace, and all the careful steps in the world can’t prepare us for all eventualities. All you can do is maintain that communication and be patient with each other if and when you do encounter a stumbling block.
These considerations are not designed to be advice in how to play safely - they are things to think about prior to engaging in dangerous forms of play.
No matter the precautions you take in this kind of activity, you cannot guarantee the safety of those involved. Approach this form of play with extreme caution.
