Experiences of Shame in Kink
Whether it’s associated with your own kinkiness, from non-kinky people, from other kinksters, most people who identify as kinky can relate to feelings of shame.
With shame being an unfortunate feature of the kink & BDSM lifestyle, we decided to look into what exactly kinky people are shamed for, and under what circumstances.
Almost 150 kinksters responded to our Kink Shaming survey, each with a diversity of kinks and years of experience.
The majority of respondents fell into the following groups:
(cis)female
under the age of 45, and
residing in the United States.
About half were also polyamorous and have been active in kink for around seven years.
A large percentage of respondents identified as s-types, so we opted to split out our survey into three primary groupings: Left, right, and outside the slash.
Respondents were allowed to select all roles with which they identify. Below are the percent representations across these three categories:
Left
Dominant: 22.51%
Top: 20.94%
Daddy: 13.09%
Caregiver: 11.52%
Sadist: 9.95%
Master: 6.81%
Disciplinarian: 4.71%
Handler: 4.71%
Mommy: 3.14%
Other (Domme, Rigger, Trainer): 2.62%
Right
Submissive: 20.00%
Bottom: 17.56%
Brat: 12.68%
Masochist: 11.22%
Little: 8.29%
Pet (Kitten, Puppy, Pig): 6.34%
Middle: 6.10%
Alpha Submissive: 5.61%
Pet (Human): 5.61%
Slave: 5.12%
Other (Sissy, Service Type, Rope Bunny, Primal Prey): 1.46%
Outside
Exploring/Evolving: 20.60%
Switch: 18.03%
Sensualist: 15.02%
Primal: 12.88%
Hedonist: 11.16%
Fetishist: 8.15%
Sadomasochist: 7.73%
Leather: 4.72%
Other (Kinkster, Slut, Vers): 1.72%
The majority of respondents reported being shamed at least once, or having feelings of shame associated with one or more of their kinks. We cover the survey results using the three specific scenarios presented in our survey:
shaming from non-kinky individuals (aka vanilla)
shaming from other kinky people
feelings of shame associated with one’s own kinkiness or specific kinks
Experiences of Self-Shame
What kinks and fetishes are we most ashamed of? We explore the internal struggles related to shame and kink.
Experiences of Shaming in the Kink Subculture
We explore the most common encounters with shaming inside the kink community, across every role.
Shaming by Vanilla People
We review what our respondents had to say regarding their shaming experiences with vanilla people.