It’s a prevalent question that newcomers to kink and BDSM will ask, both of others and themselves, but the beauty of kink is that there is no standard, because it’s not a black and white world.

What is the most common kink?

The definition of a kink itself is that it’s out of the ordinary. So how do you establish what’s a common kink in a world full of diversity? Boy, we wish there was a simple answer to that.

Kinks are as unique as the individuals into them, so the possible combinations and divergences are infinite.

Picture following a GPS navigation to a specific coordinate in a city you’ve never been to. The navigation might take you a few different routes, but they all lead to the same place. Now, you can have fun getting there and enjoying the journey itself, but kink isn’t a destination. Kink is what you do when you get to the destination.

It’s on the itinerary of everyone arriving in that city, but what they do is what they do and what you do is what you do. But everyone had to get there somehow.

Routes into kink exist.

How do I introduce kink and BDSM in the bedroom?

a man's hand rests on a woman's bare bottom as if preparing to spank her

Spanking (Impact Play)

Spanking is a very common activity for kinksters new and seasoned alike, provided you enjoy it.

Whole groups dedicated to spanking exist in cities and suburbs across the world. Spanking can be a sensual activity, or a disciplinary one. Some people do it for the warm feeling, some people do it for the sharp sting, and some do it because they just like being taught a cheeky lesson. It’s open to interpretation, and all the fun is finding how and if you like it.

Ready to take it up a notch? Next steps might involve hairbrushes, ping pong paddles, and eventually belts, paddles, canes, or floggers. The findings from our impact play survey are a great place to learn about how each of these feels.

Wax Play

Wax play can be a very sensual experience, and the bonus with it is that it’s a relatively inexpensive form of play.

Many dedicated and discreet stockists supply BDSM-safe candles. We must stress that candles around the home can cause serious burns, so please don’t rush in with the emergency blackout candles! There are so many colours that you can go all out on sensation play, but also let your creativity flow. Keep an eye on overly sensitive areas, don’t use the wax with too small a distance between flame and skin, and never leave candles unattended! Our wax play risk mitigation guide covers the basics of what you’ll need on hand for this type of play.

Getting hot for it? Try adding in some restraint play, or blindfolds, and maybe some headphones with a sexy playlist so your partner won’t know when or where they’re going to feel the next drip.

A kneeling woman wears a collar and looks up at someone holding an attached leash

Rules (Power Exchange)

Small acts of Dominance and submission can easily be acted upon.

From choosing clothing for date night, to a good morning each day, to sending a selfie every Sunday; the little rules and protocols you can put into place to ease into D/s can be as vast or as simple as suits your developing dynamic (no pun intended).

One partner deciding where to go for dinner, or what colour underwear their partner can wear can be just as deliciously kinky as any other activity. This can even be dabbled in online, just be mindful of your safety.

Need more? How about introducing longer-term rules like having coffee ready every morning, keeping a journal to share with the D-type, or writing lines for misbehaviour?

Restraints (Bondage)

The things you can use as restraints are a smorgasbord of deviant delights.

Silk scarves, neck ties, stockings, bathrobe sashes, you name it! Have you ever held a partner’s arms down playfully whilst you were getting down to it? Or used furry handcuffs? Technically, you’ve taken your first step into bondage - and many, many people have without even realising! Just remember not to tie anything too tightly, and never leave someone tied up without supervision.

Hungry for the next bite? Try looking online for cuffs, or spreader bars, or even restraints that run under the bed and hold your partner spread-eagled, or even some light chain from a DIY hardware store and a padlock.

Sex Toys (Orgasm Control)

In most countries, we’ve reached a point as a society where sex toys are a business you see on the street of almost any commercial area.

Widely recognised brands now co-exist in walk-in stores as well as online, and the global sales of sex toys are predicted to top $40 billion by 2023. Long term couples make up a significant portion of those sales, meaning that you can have even more fun by going shopping together, or browsing online stores for toys to introduce and have fun with - consider a simple vibrator, a remote-controlled egg, or even a wand.

Be prepared to have some serious orgasms. If you’re allowed to, of course.

More! More! Yes! Many companies are branching out with technology, so look out for clit suckers, ejaculating dildos, long-distance app-controlled vibrators, and don’t forget the men’s toys like prostate massagers and cock rings.

Swinging Parties & Group Sex

If you’re interested in exploring either or both worlds, look out for a swinging venue that hosts a dedicated fetish or BDSM night, and you’ll be able to watch (or participate in) both.

A lot of kink spaces double up as swinging venues, but the two don’t have to cross over. You’ll often be greeted and given a tour if it’s your first time, and you can explore at your own pace after that.

Not content just watching? If you’re attending solo, remember to be polite and observe the rules of the space: some will say you can stand in a certain area if you’re open to be invited to play, or you might be there as a couple and jump right into your own fun - with or without onlookers and third, fourth, or fifth parties!

There are a number of different ways to dip your toes into the water, but it’s completely up to you what you want to experience.

If you’re still unsure, try reaching out to kinksters in your community, or online (like here), and ask them for advice.

Everyone takes a different route or mode of transport, but we’re all trying to get there in the end.

Want to learn more? Check out these related topics:

Introducing Kink: Adding Sprinkles To Your Vanilla