Experiences of Shame in Kink

Whether it’s shame associated with one’s own kinky proclivities, shame from non-kinky people, or encountering shame from other kinksters, most people who identify as kinky can relate to feelings of shame.

With shame being an unfortunate feature of the kink & BDSM lifestyle, we decided to look into what exactly kinky people are shamed for, and under what circumstances. 

Almost 150 kinksters responded to our Kink Shaming survey, each with a diversity of kinks and years of experience.

The majority of respondents fall into the following groups:

  • (cis)female

  • under the age of 45, and

  • residing in the United States. 

About half are also polyamorous and have been active in kink for around seven years.

A large percentage of respondents identify as s-types, so we opted to split out our survey into three primary groupings: left side of the slash, right side of the slash, and outside the slash.

Respondents were allowed to select all roles with which they identify. Below are the percent representations across these three categories:

Left

  • Dominant: 22.51%

    Top: 20.94%

    Daddy: 13.09%

    Caregiver: 11.52%

    Sadist: 9.95%

    Master: 6.81%

    Disciplinarian: 4.71%

    Handler: 4.71%

    Mommy: 3.14%

    Other (Domme, Rigger, Trainer): 2.62%

Right

  • Submissive: 20.00%

  • Bottom: 17.56%

  • Brat: 12.68%

  • Masochist: 11.22%

  • Little: 8.29%

  • Pet (Kitten, Puppy, Pig): 6.34%

  • Middle: 6.10%

  • Alpha Submissive: 5.61%

  • Pet (Human): 5.61%

  • Slave: 5.12%

  • Other (Sissy, Service Type, Rope Bunny, Primal Prey): 1.46%

Outside

  • Exploring/Evolving: 20.60%

  • Switch: 18.03%

  • Sensualist: 15.02%

  • Primal: 12.88%

  • Hedonist: 11.16%

  • Fetishist: 8.15%

  • Sadomasochist: 7.73%

  • Leather: 4.72%

  • Other (Kinkster, Slut, Vers): 1.72%

The majority of respondents reported being shamed at least once, or having feelings of shame associated with one or more of their kinks. We cover the survey results using the three specific scenarios presented in our survey: 

  • shaming from non-kinky individuals (aka vanilla)

  • shaming from other kinky people

  • feelings of shame associated with one’s own kinkiness or specific kinks