Flip the Switch

In kink & BDSM, a switch is someone who engages in both Dominant & submissive roles, and/or Top & bottom roles, either with the same partner(s), or with multiple partners in different dynamics.

Essentially, a switch is a little bit of this, and a little bit of that, and they can go back and forth within play.

As with any kink & BDSM activity, switching may or may not be sexual. There’s a vast range of power dynamics out there, and you’ll find that some switches are purely service-oriented, such as with chores and errands, and may exchange such responsibilities within that dynamic with their partner. Others may be more sadomasochistic in the bedroom by exploring the giving and receiving of pain and (hopefully!) pleasure.

Are there different types of BDSM switches?

That’s a good question, and the answer comes down to the individual. 

There is no rule in kink & BDSM that says you cannot be both Dominant and submissive. There is no rule that says you cannot like doing the kinky activities as well as receiving them. There is no rule that says you can’t mix them all together.

Switchy Tops & Bottoms and Dominant & Submissive Switches

A Top is the person who does the kinky things to someone else in a scene, whereas a Dominant is the person who accepts power in an exchange dynamic. 

While a Top has consensual control over the pre-negotiated activities which take place in a given scene, in a switch scene, the kinksters you might consider “The Top” or “The Bottom” may exchange power during play, or in a later scene.

Some T/b switches will switch mid-play, so that both partners can enjoy each side of the slash within the scene. Other T/b switches may only participate on one side for a particular partner, and have another partner with whom they switch sides of the slash.

For example:

Person A is a Top to Person B.

Person C is a Top to Person A.

Similarly, you might find a bottom who has their own submissive for whom they lead the dynamic as the Dominant partner.

A bottom is the person who has the kinky things done to them in a scene, whereas a submissive is the person who has ceded power in an exchange dynamic. 

As we discuss in our article about Doms, Tops, and Sadists and our article about Submissives, Bottoms, and Masochists, a lot of these traits and preferences can intersect - you might find a submissive masochist, or a sadistic Top. 

In the same way that the left and right side of the slash roles crossover, so too can the right side of the slash overlap the left.

A switch may be a sadistic bottom (who enjoys getting their own back), or a masochistic Dominant (who enjoys their submissive Topping them for their own catharsis and enjoyment).

How do I know if I’m a switch?

Exploring any aspect of kink & BDSM usually starts with the simplest question: what turns you on?

If you like the thrill of being spanked just as much as you like swatting your partner’s ass, there’s a good chance you might enjoy exploring more switching in your play. If you like the idea of being tied up just as much as you like the idea of tying your partner up, that’s also a pretty good indicator.

If you like the idea of doing and receiving aspects of kink and BDSM - whether that’s all in one go, or at different points in time - you should probably consider that you might well be a switch, and that’s great for finding what you want in a play partner!

How To Play With A Switch

There is no standard of rules in how you participate in kink and BDSM, and there are no true guidelines in how to interact with kinky people. If your partner has expressed an interest in switching, or if you’re looking to explore switching yourself, here are some things to keep in mind about playing with and as a switch.

Ask questions first, have kinky fun later

In most cases, you won’t know if someone is a D/s or T/b switch unless you ask. Trying to guess someone’s kink identity is about as useful as a chocolate teapot - things will just get messy. If you’re not sure about a potential play partner’s preferences within a scene or dynamic - ask. If your partner isn’t asking you questions about limits and boundaries, communicate with them and prompt the conversation. Switching is no different to negotiating any kink & BDSM scene; communication is vital, as is honesty, and always remember that no matter what activities you’re looking to explore, gaining and giving consent is everything in kink and BDSM.

Use switching as an opportunity to learn from both sides

Learning about what being Dominant means, as well as what it means to be a submissive, are key to being a safe, open, and enjoyable play partner. Switching provides a great opportunity to maximise your education, because you can empathise with both sides of the slash. Not only can you become a better Top or Dominant by submitting or bottoming, but you can also learn to serve your D-types needs by having experience on the left side.

Plus, y’know, you get the best of both worlds.

Consider that experiences might be different on opposite sides of the slash

Whilst being a switch can be great fun and provide double the enjoyment for you and your play partners, it’s worth keeping in mind that the different headspaces of kink could feel completely unfamiliar depending on the side of the slash someone is used to. 

Just like different partners can bring out different feelings and emotions because of their style of play, experiencing play as a Top or Dominant might trigger someone in a way not previously experienced as a bottom or submissive, and vice versa. 

Think about triggers and safewords before play, make sure to communicate what you can in advance, and don’t be afraid to use your safeword if the experience becomes overwhelming. 

Following your switchy scene, think about the different types of aftercare you and your partner might need, because it may be completely different if there are different roles and power dynamics at play.

Don’t force it - explore it

We’ve said time after time here that when you’re exploring kink and BDSM, take it slowly. The same can be said for switching - just because you’ve switched with a partner before doesn’t mean that your next play partner will elicit the same response in you. Power exchange is a mutual exchange, and it can’t and shouldn’t be forced or steered in a willful direction. Let it come naturally - we promise it’ll be worth the wait.